Dontcha just hate it when your brain slaps you across the heart and screams in perfect-Cher voice to snap out of it?<\/p>\n
Yeah, that happened to me yesterday.<\/p>\n
I won\u2019t go into what the last six weeks have been like for me. I went on an emotional, mental, and ultimately physical rollercoaster that left me an absolute wreck. Highest high, lowest low, migraines, panic attacks \u2013 I hit a wall and couldn\u2019t keep going.<\/p>\n
Yesterday, I found my center. It was still there, waiting for me to quit being stupid. I can honestly say I haven\u2019t felt this good in months.<\/p>\n
You want to know what happened?<\/p>\n
Here is the Cliff Notes version: I forgot who I am.<\/p>\n
Now, I\u2019ve never had a really concrete identity. But this time? I completely forgot who I am at my inner core. I took my eyes off my passion and put them on my obligation. I gave far too much to a day job that, if I died, would replace me before I could be cremated. I wasted several truck-loads of soul energy on a place that wouldn\u2019t notice I was gone until the reports were late. And I did it for six solid weeks.<\/p>\n
Yesterday, alone in my office, it hit me.<\/p>\n
I hate it there. If I\u2019d let my mounting frustrations consume me much longer, I would have left, sure \u2013 and would have hated the new job just as much if not more. Just like I\u2019ve hated any other job I\u2019ve had over the years.<\/p>\n
Why? Because it\u2019s a JOB. It\u2019s an obligation. It doesn\u2019t fuel me. It doesn\u2019t make me happy. It\u2019s not my passion.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m a writer who has to work to keep the electricity on. I\u2019m not a worker who writes in the rare moments she can put a complete sentence together.<\/p>\n
I.<\/p>\n
Am.<\/p>\n
A.<\/p>\n
Writer.<\/p>\n
In that moment, sitting there alone, my heart rate leveled out, the nagging tightness in my chest eased, and I took the first deep breath I\u2019d taken in six weeks. And last night, I slept like a rock.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m done giving that office my mental and soul energy. I\u2019ll still work my butt off. I\u2019ll still give it my usual 110% even though I know I\u2019ll never be rewarded with anything except more work. And, if an opportunity should arise somewhere else, yeah, I\u2019ll no doubt leave.<\/p>\n
But \u2013 when it\u2019s all said and done, when I\u2019m locking the office door at the end of the day and heading for the time clock, I\u2019m a writer.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m a writer.<\/p>\n
Now, if you\u2019ll excuse me, I\u2019ve got worlds that need attention. Y\u2019all lock up and I\u2019ll see you back here soon.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Dontcha just hate it when your brain slaps you across the heart and screams in perfect-Cher voice to snap out of it? Yeah, that happened to me yesterday. I won\u2019t go into what the last six weeks have been like for me. I went on…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[44],"tags":[126],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/leighgrissom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8106"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/leighgrissom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/leighgrissom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/leighgrissom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/leighgrissom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8106"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/leighgrissom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8106\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8107,"href":"http:\/\/leighgrissom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8106\/revisions\/8107"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/leighgrissom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8106"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/leighgrissom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8106"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/leighgrissom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8106"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}