Here\u2019s the first of two of the hardest posts I\u2019ve ever written.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ll write the other one tomorrow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Kisses \u2013 the Author<\/p>\n\n\n\n
**<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Five years ago, right about now, I embarked on the Longest Night of My Life. Ten weeks of worry, of tears, of rage were coming to an end \u2026 and the light at the end of the tunnel was nothing but another fucking train. I was exhausted on every level, but I had to go on just a little while longer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Mom still needed me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
From March 18th<\/sup> until that night, we\u2019d all watched our mother\/grandmother\/Nana slip away from us little by little. Pancreatic cancer, if anyone is curious. From nothing, just some fatigue, to Stage 4 and Nothing We Can Do. She wanted to cross over at home, so we made it happen. It put deep scars in the family (some I don\u2019t think will ever heal), but we made it happen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n She\u2019d been awake, alert, and directing her army of children just a day before. Now, my brother, his wife, and I watched and waited, giving her pain medicine at the intervals hospice directed, and wondered when the battle would end.<\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n I knew it was coming. Several days before, I\u2019d seen my grandfather walk into the living room where Mom lay in her hospital bed. Papa died when I was four, but he was easy to recognize.<\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n She was always Daddy\u2019s girl, and he\u2019d come to bring her Home. I could hear the clock ticking faster.<\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n We agreed on each of us sleeping two hours and trading shifts; that way, she wouldn\u2019t miss her medicine. I sat on the Evil Heathen Demon Couch (that\u2019s another story; ask me about it later) and watched, waiting, ready to help if she showed any sign of being in pain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n Did I do right by you, Momma?<\/em> I remember asking the not-so-empty room that night. The ghosts didn\u2019t answer, and neither did she. I tried my hardest even as a kid. I didn\u2019t shirk curfew. I did my chores even though she was never pleased with how I dusted the furniture. As soon as I was old enough to work, I contributed to the house.<\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n If I went out, got drunk, or did anything else even partly stupid, I made sure I stayed at a friend\u2019s house. I wasn\u2019t perfect, just clever.<\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n I watched, I waited, and I wondered if Heaven was real. I wondered if she knew I was there. I wondered if she knew her Daddy was waiting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n No, wait, that\u2019s not true. I knew she knew Papa was there. She was just waiting for the right time to go.<\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n Soon, my brother came to tag in, and I went to the back bedroom to try and sleep. I thought I wouldn\u2019t, but I did. Deep.<\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n The Longest Night came and went.<\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n The sun rose.<\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n It wasn\u2019t time yet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n I settled back in to wait.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Here\u2019s the first of two of the hardest posts I\u2019ve ever written. I\u2019ll write the other one tomorrow. Kisses \u2013 the Author ** Five years ago, right about now, I embarked on the Longest Night of My Life. Ten weeks of worry, of tears, of…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":630,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[45],"tags":[153,152,154],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/leighgrissom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8188"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/leighgrissom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/leighgrissom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/leighgrissom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/leighgrissom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8188"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/leighgrissom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8188\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8191,"href":"https:\/\/leighgrissom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8188\/revisions\/8191"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/leighgrissom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/630"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/leighgrissom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8188"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/leighgrissom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8188"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/leighgrissom.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8188"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}